Bumper Sticker Humor

Did you just fart or did you always smell that way?
It could be worse. What if sex was fattening?
Graduate quickly, millions on welfare depend on you.
Yesterday I knew nothing, today I know that.
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you.
Illiterate? Write for free help.
Take me drunk, I'm home.
 I drive like this to piss you off!
Front bumper -Run, Hilary, Run!
I may be slow but I'm in front of you.
You have to be really secure to be seen in this car.
If it's tourist season, does that mean we can shoot them?
Jesus loves you, but everyone else still thinks YOU’RE an ass hole.
I don't drive fast I fly low
Your child may be an honor student, but you're still an idiot.
If you can read this you're in range.
Save the planet recycle an environmentalist.
Just because your not paranoid doesn't mean their not out to get

 you.
I tried being normal once .I didn't like it.
Minds are like parachutes--they only function when open.
Horn Broken...Watch For Finger.
Everything Is Somewhere.
I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not sure...
I love cats.....they taste just like chicken.
I Wish I Was Barbie. That Bitch has EVERYTHING.
CAUTION I BRAKE FOR HOOKERS.
If it isn't broken...fix it until it is!
Keep America clean...swallow your beer cans.
House guarded by a shotgun 3 nights a week. You guess which?
I left the womb for this
I can go from zero to bitch in 2.2 seconds.
The more I learn, the less I understand.
I'm not littering.... I'm donating to the earth.
If you can read this, I am parked.
I got this car for my wife...not a bad trade.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
Sometimes I wake up grumpy, Other times I let her sleep!!
I took an IQ test and the results were negative
When there's a will, I want to be in it!
Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control!
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
Live long enough to be a problem to your kids.
I'm objective, I object to everything.
If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
Nothing is illegal until you get caught.
Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.
Driver carries less than $25 IN AMMUNITION
In God we trust, all others must pay cash.
PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY BUT NO FILM
DIETED FOR A MONTH AND ALL I LOST WAS 30 DAYS
WILL WORK FOR FOOD, WILL BEG FOR SEX!
IF YOU DRINK LIKE A FISH, SWIM DON'T DRIVE
UNLESS YOU'RE THE LEAD DOG, THE VIEW NEVER CHANGES
COLLEGE GRAD AND PROWD UV IT
I NEED MORE DAYS ON THE WEEKEND
MY KIDS ARE DRIVING ME NUCKING FUTS
BETTER TO BE PISSED OFF THAN PISSED ON
GOT UP AND DRESSED MYSELF. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?
HUNG LIKE EINSTEIN AND SMART AS A HORSE
SMITH AND WESSON.....TRUE FEMININE PROTECTION
BODY BY NAUTILUS, BRAIN BY NINTENDO
WHEN BLONDES HAVE MORE FUN, DO THEY KNOW IT?

4 out of the 5 voices in my head tell me to go back to sleep
IF WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT ANIMALS, WHY ARE THEY MADE OF MEAT
My child is an honor student at the state correctional facility
My other car is .........also a piece of shit
I am not an Alcoholic, I'm a Drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings
I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.
I have a body of a God...Buddha!
God must love stupid people, he made so many.
I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.
Save a mouse...eat pussy!
P.E.T.A.: People Eating Tasty Animals
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.
Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
Don't hit me. My lawyer's in jail.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Don't drink and drive... You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
So YOU’RE a feminist... Isn't that cute.
My wife can't wrestle, but you should see her box.
Money talks, but mine only says goodbye.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
I'm not lazy I'm just practicing for the here-after

A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
Do I look like a f***ing people person?
This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

its too bad stupidity isn't painful
It takes a lot of balls to play golf the way I do
If you can read this, I can stop suddenly and sue you!
Ever had a loaded weapon pointed at you.....Keep honking.
LOVE IS LIKE TUG-O-WAR.......ONE JERK AFTER ANOTHER!!!!
Life is short, don't be a dick.
It must suck to be you.
No dogs or fat chicks
God told me to do it
CAUTION: I SWERVE TO HIT CARS AT RANDOM
My Wife's Other Car Is A Broom!
Don't Laugh, It's Paid For
Keep Honking, I'm Reloading
Don't Rush Me, I Get Paid By The Hour
I Haven't Been The Same Since That House Fell On My Sister!
WITCHES PARKING (all others will be toad)
STOP GLOBAL WHINING
Give me another beer, you're still UGLY!
Doesn't play well with others.
No, you suck, signed the mean people
I didn't invent sin, I'm just trying to prefect it.
I'm not evil, just misunderstood
What the hell are you looking at?

If I throw a stick, will you leave?
And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave

the house?
Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you

touch me?
It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Okay, okay, I take it back! UnF*** you!
Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
And which dwarf are you?
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?